November 19th, 2009
idon'tknow
Whenever I leave it's hard for me to go back. I've been thinking of
leaving. But everyday it gets harder and harder to say goodbye.
I see her, and it gets even harder. I don't want to break her heart.
"...a gracious exit" my friend would say. "...you have to forgive, before you leave." another friend would say.
I have to talk to her. I really have to, but then these questions always pop up:
"what would I say to her?"
"how will I say it?"
"when will I say it?"
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Posted by zachira at 08:57 PM |
November 18th, 2009
Boylalu Inventory
Habang nakapila ako sa pila ng tricycle pauwi, naisip ko na lang bigla na gumawa ng inventory ng mga naging lalaki sa buhay ko mula nung puppy love stage hanggang sa kasalukuyan. Alam kong hindi 'to masaya basahin dahil puro kalandian lang 'to.
Note: Hindi pala included ang crushes dahil mahirap tandaan yung mga forgettable.
1. Edmar T.
Status: Ewan
Technically, eto yung first boyfriend ko. Kaso, bata pa ko nito, grade 6. Eto yung mga panahon na hindi ko alam kung bakit ko nagugustuhan ang isang lalaki. Hindi ko talaga kinoconsider na ex-boylalu ang palakang ito kasi wala naman talagang thing.
2. Aldrich P.
Status: Boyfriend
Pero under pa rin ng puppy love. Eengot-engot pa ako ng mga panahong ito, eh. Eto yung stage kung kelan ako natutong maging emo-kunware. Grade 6 din ako nito. Nag-break din kami pagkatapos ng ilang weeks at naalala ko umiyak pa ako nun in public. Grabe.
3. Giorgio M.
Status: Ewan
Di ko talaga alam. Malandi pa sakin 'tong unggoy na 'to eh. Naalala ko nung ipagpalit niya ako kay Jeniffer.
4. Mark U.
Status: Boyfriend
Eto yung nakakatawa kong ex-boylalu na sobrang posero grabe grabe grabe. Posero talaga! Favorite niya ang Good Charlotte at Slip Knot noon. Mali-mali pa lyrics niya kapag kinakanta niya yung mga songs. Nagde-date kami sa RFC, yung sosyaling mall dito sa Las Piñas na minsan nang ni-raid dahil mejo DVD-haven siya. Makapal mag-pulbo etong si Mark. Sobrang pangit naman. Di ko nga ulit maintindihan kung bakit ko to naging boylalu. 1st year high school na ako nito. Nakipag-break ako sa kanya sa computer shop, binagsak ko lang yung break-up letter ko sa computer desk niya at may walk out drama pa. Nakakatuwang alalahanin.
5. Arjan B.
Status: First real boyfriend
Si Arjan talaga ang first real boylalu ko. Malapit na din kami mag-two years nung naghiwalay kami. 10 pa ang anniversary date namin. Sobrang illegal talaga ang kalandian ko noon kaya ako ang nagpupunta sa bahay niya sa Valley 2, Parañaque. Sta. Rosa pa ang street ng bahay nila. 5 years ang tanda niya sa akin. Yung kapatid niyang ka-edaran ko, sobrang gwapo. Anyway, masaya naman kami noon. Na-meet ko family niya, yung mga kapatid niyang mga bata, pati mga katulong na rin. Sa kanya ko natutunan yung Piattos na inuulam sa kanin na hanggang ngayon ginagawa ko pa rin. Tabachoy kasi 'tong si Arjan. Lakas kumain tsaka may mga deadly vices. 2nd year high school ako nito. Saksakan talaga ako ng kalandian.
6. HSH
Status: Ka-flirt
Eto yung lalakeng di naman nagseseryoso kapag hindi hot yung babae. Pero willing naman makipag-make-out and everything. Ang rude sa text pero parang bata makipag-usap in person. Sobrang galing niya mag-O2jam, bilis ng daliri. Tangkad pa at singkit, mga tipo kong lalaki. Pero ayun, as usual.
7. Marco G.
Status: 2nd real boylalu
Eto yung so far pinaka-real. At pinaka-masakit.
8. Joshua A.
Status: Ka-flirt
Eto yung latest kong boylalu na ayaw naman akong sagutin kaya sinukuan ko na. Ang hot ng katawan, ka-R.O. ko to noon eh. Crush ko na siya nung may R.O. pa kami hanggang sa nakakasabay ko sa FX at kung saan-saan pa. Bata pa to si Josh, kelangang ma-enlighten ng sobra-sobra.
Konti yang 8. May mga naging ultimate crushes pa kasi ako tulad ni Paulo N. May mga lalaking di ko na talaga sinama dahil nga sabi ko, walang thing.
Nakakatawa.
Posted by subjunctive at 08:17 PM in Boylablues |
November 17th, 2009
I think I miss him
I wonder where GOLDEN BOY is...
Last time I talked to him was weeks ago, haven't heard from him them since. Well I haven't heard from him because I didn't log in in facebook and yahoo messenger for weeks too, hehehe, so there's no way for communication, unless he text or call me.
Anyway, I bet he's not thinking of me. Anyway I think I miss him, in a friendly way ok.
He'll be back this coming December. Weee!:D
Posted by zachira at 10:27 PM in golden boy |
November 15th, 2009
can you help me?
Waaah!
I just have to let this go. My mind is clouded with things like "I want to leave the apartment", "Ayaw ko na!", "San ako magstay?", "Anong oras kaya ako uuwi?", "San kaya ako lilipat?", "Papayag kaya sila?", "Maiintindihan kaya nila?". Alaways all about me! WAAAH somebody hit me right now! And tell me that I'm an idiot, stupid, selfish! Somebody hit me! And tell me what should I do! I'm so fixated with this freaking problem that I can't see Lord's purpose, I can't hear Him, I can't focus on Him!
I just don't know what to do!
I'm so weak! so stupid! grrr!!!!
In the end I'll always be the one who is wrong.
It's good that they easily moved on.
Too bad I just can't when they're still around!
Lord, I just give up! I give up.
I just don't deserve to be with them, I'm too stupid and weak for them, too emotional, too unenlightened, I just don't fit in.
HAAAAAYYY
If only I could only have space and time. If only I could be far away from them for a long time.
Yeah that's me, one who always run away, a coward.
i just don't know...
Wish someone knows...
I bet God is talking to me, but my ears are kept shut with my whines! Someone really needs to hit me really really hard!
Posted by zachira at 06:12 PM in me, this is me |
November 14th, 2009
These people
What's with these people hating Miley Cyrus and Kristen Stewart too much that it comes to the point that these people actually curse them, as if they've met personally, as if Miley Cyrus's naked pictures and Kristen Stewart's two big front teeth affect them directly.
Shet nakakatawa na. Stop it na.
Dalawang klase lang ng tao ang kinasusuklaman sila Miley at Kristen. They're either sincere or nakiki-uso lang.
Posted by subjunctive at 06:42 PM |
November 12th, 2009
Whom I met in my dreams
And my alarm rang just as he was about to... and I was snapped back to consciousness. Fuck that. :|
I never thought it would be possible to fall in love with a guy you meet in your dreams. As in dreams, DREAMS, the royal road to consciousness, the one which occurs in the REM stage, or whichever shit. The thing with that, I can't quite figure out what he looked like. Dreams are supposed to be blurry.
The abnormal thing, I'm in love with the guy. I feel so much love enough to distract me from my infatuation with cousin.
I know, I'm neurotic.
Isa itong malaking kaululan. Pagka-shower ko makakalimutan ko na to.
Posted by subjunctive at 06:47 AM in Dreams, Boylablues |
