I can never work hard enough

Much to my hatred, I was sick yesterday. I had to skip school and rest for the whole day. Good thing I didn't miss much in school. Just yellow paper seatworks and an hour or more of psychological tests.

And goodbye plus two's. I'll then go back to trusting my useless principle that I don't really need the plus two if I work hard. But we all know I still need them. Cuz I can never work hard enough.

Anyway, I went to the Psych department this afternoon to inquire about the things I missed. It just made me feel kinda flattered that Sir Ryan, Ma'am Ces, and even Ma'am Joy asked why I was absent yesterday. It's like we're all close, like real friends, or colleagues.

I'm learning sign language, btw. It's fun.

Posted by subjunctive at 03:06 PM in School Drama | 1 comments

a little sunshine on a rainy day

zachira

Just when I am so sure of it, you come around and leaving me undecided again. Sometimes it’s okay, and sometimes it’s not. I don’t know what to decide!

I went back to the apartment after my ENSC 26 lab. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to go back yet. So anyway I went back. While walking I told myself that I'm going to tell her. I'm really going to tell her. I played my script over and over in my head hoping that her answer would only be yes. So I entered the apartment I saw her inside her room infront of her laptop. I was having a second thought, but I was really going to do it. Then unexpectedly she talked to me! She talked to me! She talked like nothing is really wrong! Then there I go again, I didn't tell her. When I see her, it's keeps getting harder and harder to say it! So I got my laptop and went to where I am right now (Inetech).

Then she texted me. She asked me when was I going to talk to her. Few weeks ago I asked her if we could talk, I told her we need not do it right away I said we could do it one of these days. I thought she has forgotten about it, or I thought that she was avoiding it. But I'm wrong. So she texted me, she's free on friday. I told her that I get too shy to open it up to her. She just laughed (through text) and said she wasn't angry or anything. She even mentioned James. She told me that "mapride talaga si James". About James, I think I'm slowly accepting the fact that he's never going to forgive me.

What a relief!I wanted to tell her: "Thank you for not making it hard for me"

But instead I said: "Okay, friday at blitz...tnxtnx..(smiley)"

It’s God’s work. He knows I don’t know what to do. Now he’s doing it for me. Haaay. Relief.

It's God, it's the Holy Spirit.

It feels like a little sunshine on a rainy day, I can't wait for the rainbow. :D

Posted by zachira at 07:50 PM | Add a Comment

zachira

This is the part where I have to decide.

And I decide to be happy.

Thus I must do a selfish act.

I have to let go.

I have to forgive myself.

I have been hanging on for the longest time.

I've been hurting myself.

It's time to love me.

Posted by zachira at 01:29 PM | Add a Comment

zachira

OMG. I have been like this for the whole year.

I browsed my blogs, and it was all about them!

Is it a sign that I have to let go?

Posted by zachira at 07:48 PM | Add a Comment

Struggling With Sin (Romans 7:7-25)

zachira

⁷What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “Do not covet.”^[b]8But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. ⁹Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. ¹⁰I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.

¹¹For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. ¹²So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. ¹³Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.

¹⁴We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c]For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Posted by zachira at 06:25 PM in me, this is me, letters to GOD | Add a Comment

si friend. sirayan.

zachira

I hate the way you turn your back to me and have a loud conversation with other people. I hate the way you show me how happy you are. I hate the way you walk, you talk. You’re really gay!

I hate that you told me how important I am, how you love me.

I hate you.

You’re gay and a liar.

I never expected that you’d really turn me down!!!!!!!!!!!

Ang sakit friend.

Posted by zachira at 05:59 PM in College life | Add a Comment

Paranormal Activity

You wanna know what I think? I think that those who claim that Paranormal Activity isn't scary at all are just pretending to be tough, showing-off that some creepy indie film didn't scare them in the slightest bit. It is scary! But if you're tougher, as in for real, the effect is just overnight. You still think about it a bit in the morning though. And make these left-and-right head shaking movements accompanied by a little tongue clicking. (Just like saying "Oh my G, that was one helluva movie and it scared the demons out of me.")

I know, I'm talking about myself.

Pero srsly, it is creepy. And it sinks in. This is the first movie that actually had this effect on me. I normally laugh at movies with supernatural themes. But this one, nah.

So, I belong to the bandwagon now.

Posted by subjunctive at 09:38 AM in Cerebral Hygiene | 3 comments

I got a tattoo!

A henna, that is.

Posted by subjunctive at 06:27 PM in Just Sharing | Add a Comment