The Inevitability of Ennui
We live our lives the best way we can. We dance to
life's different tunes, varying our steps with the dynamic twists and turns
that the choreography requires. Through all the variations, however, a rhythm
is developed and that becomes the core of the dance ... a repetitious ballet of
seemingly chaotic moves. Much like a painting seen up close, the brush strokes
are varied and inconsistent, but as the viewer steps further back, sees all the
brush strokes are swept into one canvass painting with a single idea ... a
single inspiration ... a single expression.
Financially, I am already picking up the pieces of a
ruined spreadsheet. My turbulent spontaneity has caused me to spend more than I
was earning back when I was in the
My emotional status, however, remains as erratic as "inverse point" on any scientific calculator. I constantly rage against my nostalgia, burying myself in a blur of hobbies. I have revived my guitar playing and mediocre song-writing, I have taken the pencil once more and started drawing, I have downloaded e-books torrents and started reading new books and re-reading books I have read when I was younger. I have even started a new hobby - photography by buying a Nikon D60. All this, on top of watching movies and enrolling in Excel Advance and Access Core classes sponsored by the Philippine Consulate. Heck, I am even trying to learn "Arabic". Despite all these, however, I still find myself longing for home.
In retrospect, I believe that no matter how many hobbies and new things I discover, I will always find a pattern in this existence away from home. Ennui is inevitable when I am faced with the emptiness of missing my family. I miss my home ... my Dad, my sister, my brother ... and even more so, my Sheiryll, my Sofi and my best buddy ... Andre.
... z ...
Posted by tuliro at 04:51 PM | Add a Comment