I am ...
This year is ending and my life, from a macrocosmic point of view has been … average … just about as average as average can get. What is it about life that we oft take it for granted? What is it about our experiences that the lessons learned are often forgotten just as fast as they came? What is it about me, that I keep retracing my steps from whence I came … losing focus on that which must be done, and absently letting go, of that which I have to keep close?
I am my own tapestry of dreams … for I am my own biggest lie. From a distance, the colors of my existence blend and clash in a beautiful vignette of rich experiences and achievements. I inspire others to do better and more often than not, they do better. I enlighten the confused and heal the broken. Look at me up close, however, and you will see that the paint is cracked and faded … that the glib is a pontification of regurgigated verbatim spewed so many times that I retch inside … that I am more confused and broken than I ever … ever was …Sometimes, I hide inside my pocket, wishing it all away …
I am my own prison … for I am what others think I am. I have successfully (and almost stupidly) painted myself in a corner of passiveness and silent brooding. People say I am cool, as they do not see me exploding inside … people say I am professional as I deal with people with an almost fatherly patience, not seeing my knuckles as they whiten in hidden rage and frustration. Hyprocrisy? … probably … semantics in this day and age can be just as accurate as working on an art piece with a sledgehammer.My life has taken it’s usual twists and turns and although it has turned out quite as normal as any others’, I think I have come to regret not making some decisions that would have made it better. I have always remained steadfast that I have no misgivings on that which life has given me … now that I am living my life at its prime, I begin to think that it was a convenient excuse not to have tried harder. The “what-if’s” have piled so high they have blocked my horizon.
I can still change things … of this, I am quite positive … I am my own dream … for I am what I make me. I will persevere …... z ...
Posted by tuliro at 08:46 PM | 3 comments